If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show live on Radio Wales. This week, I'm in Cardiff with Zoe Lyons.

I'm in the studio in Cardiff with a honker. ... That's not my co-host. ... the ... the honker of a ... of a cold ... uh ... / I've got ... Zoe Lyons is my co-host, first time / Morning. / __, virgin co-host / Morning. / I've got ... I've got a smaller __ / You've got / my __, but ... but you've got __ early stages of my honker / early stages of __ / you're an early __. / early __ / I've got ... basically ... / You've got / full-blown / I don't know where I am in the process ... I mean / I have got / full-blown honk / I __ __ two days of ... of ... __ / Yeah, / p__, / Yeah, / bad sleeping ... / I'm in __ early stage__ where __ __ just __ __ really nasty little dry cough that isn't really anything, / Yeah, / ... just an irritant. / An irritant at the moment. Well, I ... I can tell you what you've got to look forward to __ __ / I can see / look forward to / sitting / I am ... I am sweating / You are. __ you're looking a little p__ / Honestly, I'm feeling __ ... am I ... am I green? Or white / off-white / feel __-white. / I'm not good. I'm not good. __ I'm not good at __ stuff like that. ... You've got to look forward to / you've got / two or three days / a day or two / yesterday / three boxes of, uh, tissue with b__m / Lovely. / which __ __ __ __ __ to ... um ... use the BBC to promote products, But, huh, who came up with tissues with that __my stuff __ / It's not an advert. Calm down. / ... you can get __ __ __ ... / No. / Yes, you can. And that's quite / too much / Yeah. / too much / that'd make / little fun, / Oh. / a little fun, ... wouldn't it? __ __ look forward to being ill / 病気になるのが楽しみになっちまう / I've never breathed so freely in my life. / I hope other ... Do other people do this ... uh ... do other brands ... still / do, like, uh, __y things __ __ like __ b__y tissue / well, __ have to stay ahead of __ game / __n't they? / promoting one particular product. / __ /... But, whoever came up with that, __ tissue with that b__y stuff ... gone with the days / my noses / got __ dry ... __ ... / look at it. / yeah / Look at the end of my nose. I appreciate you ... you're asking me so that the listeners __ __ get the picture __ __ end of my nose / __ __ __ __ __ moisturizer on there. / ... Uh ... I could do. / Yeah. / I could do, but, at the moment, I'm relying on __ b__ infusing those tissues. ... Anyway, we've probably spent two minutes talking about ... honkers. Um ... I don't know ... I don't know where I am. I've got ... I don't know, I think I've got __ flu.

Have you got a honker? / I've got __ __ __ __ as such, no. It's in its early stages. But I'm interested to know what people take as a remedy. What ... what would you do? I've been ... I've been spooning honey. Does that __ __ __ __ __ / Spooning honey? / Spooning honey. / That sounds very ... dodgy. / That sounds far more ... / Yeah, that does. / ... enjoyable than it actually is. / More illicit ... __ something I do __ __ / I've been big-spooning honey, yeah. / spooning honey / 話を変えよう / uh, I've been spooning honey, actually. / Have you? / Yeah. / Yeah. / __ __ hot knife __ __ __ / hot knife __ __ / Yeah, yeah, I have ... yeah. ... I'm on the ... uh ... I'm on the well-known hot lemon drinks / Hot, ... yeah, yeah / __ __ with honey ... I've been grat__ ginger in, but I / why / doing that / ginger and lemon. You just do it, don't you? / I don't think __ makes any difference whatsoever, but you just .. / any difference to me whatsoever. / You just stink__ __ ginger and lemon. That's ... / しょうがレモン臭くなるだけ / Let's have a look at the papers. What have you found? / it's all / it's all ... / you / thinking, "What? / it's not / on me / B__ for days, haven't they? / Uh, yeah / Cameron__ __ over there ... um ... / sounds ... __ you said to me __ / god, it sounds exhausting / that's what I've been thinking / never / radio __ __ __ going / third day / work__ till dawn / two hours later / really? / How __ they do __? I don't know / know / I would really ... I would really push f__ __ day __ __ if I knew __ breakfast / postponed / cause, apparently, they ... they ain't __ __ finish / first day / over an English breakfast / English breakfast / I would have really ... __ __ __ I would have gone, "You know what? Take your benefit. I don't care. I / me sausage now. / Do you think / must have been anticipating quite a positive thing / if you ... if you __ plan__ to, sort of, ... celebrate with an English breakfast / Yeah / __ be realistic / b__g __ up, what, 28 English breakfasts, right? ... and / more than that / not / I know / 28 of them, but they must ... they must have / people / plus one__ / plus ones, exactly / and then __ __ go, "Sorry, ... / __ __ English breakfasts ... / then __ __ go __ __ __ gonna be __ lunch / almost __ __ __ turn into a __ __ / went / I have, actually. __ __ __ waitress-ed / Have you? / Yeah. / __ __ __ __ __ though / but why would they ... why would they __ have / I have no idea / kind of __ suggest that / Cameron was gonna win __ __ __ doesn't it? / he's a bit ... / wrap it all up / English __ __ / I'm not saying / everyone / we're not having that. ... __ __ ... / uh ... anyway ... So sorry I'm losing it.

__ __ __ in Cardiff __ rang in / Huh huh, / isn't that nice? / yeah ... on __ land line, I hope. / uh ... I hope so. / Yeah. / I don't / traditional / I wouldn't bother __ __ just / easy / advice / don't do it / innit? / simplest / complicated __ about __. ... Just don't do it, kids. Don't phone anyone ... __ __ unless there __ an emergency. ... Um ... / the way I get rid of it / I presume / talking about / honker / the way I rid of it / he starts, o__ly, ... um ... / ... you sit by the tap / It doesn't say __ tap __ outside tap or ... uh ... / ... sit by the tap for an hour and consume 7 to 8 pints ... / Is this advisable? / ... / Could you not drowned by ... __ ... / 7 to 8 pints of water? / Yeah. / ... and then __ to pass the water / be difficult / to be honest / steam on that / build up __ steam on that / pass the water to get rid of the bug__ / literally flushing it / Wow. That's ... um ... I don't know ... / is that advisable? / somebody / production / is / what / for. Look that up. / like / human log flume / exactly like / human __ f__ / you are supposed to / a lot of fluid__ / I know, but ... / 7 to 8 pints / mind you / in an hour / I've done __ __ __ water / but / you still __ __, don't you? / oh god / Have you __ __ __, or __ __ just / moved up / I've been in B__ __ I've moved / Have you? Is it like ... uh ... you know, when you get a bit ... I mean, I don't wanna say this / but / too late / I'm half way there / but, you know, / kind of, __ you / quiet down / a little / a bit more / when we first moved __ __ __ __ sort of land c__s ... you know, there__ quite a lot of old people wandering around, but ... um ... it's ... um ... / we've got __ __ hippest cafe now __ now / B__ / B__ is / very h__ / I __ __ __ __ once / Yeah? / No? / I didn't. / Why? / Well, __ 'cause I was gigging / far from a lot of places, yeah. / you know what it's like / you're ... you're a gigging comedian / Yeah. / Yeah. / __ you hit London / if you're coming down from north / London / you / like / Exactly. We did / myself / last week, I / __ Music Festival / pretty big night's out, ... uh ... in B__, and / before that / I drove to / caring for __ / comedian / boxing event / Yeah, / some of whom are our co-host / show / event / Barry Castagnola / uh ... and ... I drove back from N__ to Wales / and it took me 8 hours / Oh / and ... you know, / we were tired / you know / __ __ __ __ __? / uh ... yeah / poor __ __. / __ Barry, however, / Yeah, / it took him ... 14 hours / What was he doing? / yeah ... to get to B__ from / after / hit / London / three hours of traffic in the night on the way home from / that's the most / half past / traffic / just / rage / I__ just looking around / why are you here? / people / easy life / 一般人はコメディアンの生活なんて気楽なもんだと思っているかもしれないが / No. No. / We __ __ __ __ ... lucky we don't have to get up in the morning, innit? / __ __ __ __ Cardiff / look at this / this is / editors upstairs __ __ __ going, "This is more like it. Here we go / local people / it's Radio Wales / don't try / now / like / punching in the air upstairs / big issues of Cardiff / __ __ __ over the bridge yesterday / immediately / just ... it was like going / get / I haven't noticed / I haven't seen one / 一個も見たことがないよ / M4 / from the ... from the bridge / potholes / you cheaky ... / I__ tell you / tell you / lost my w__m / along that road / no / take that back. / I dare you, __, I dare you / __ __ __ __ __ gotta be / people / using our potholes / there's no / back-stroking your p__ __ __ __ that big / Not / seen / wrong way / does sound like you __ __ __ __ a bit / p__ recently / middle-aged / my god / p__ / my tire / That's annoying / I've done that / Yeah. I mean, just __ ob__ __ / where / not here / Huh. What were you doing in / hanging out / N__ / p__ / down there / they have / they / I won't be going again / there are too many p__s / ... Do you think ... right? ... uh ... the ponies / Huh huh, / they say horses ... / Huh huh, / ... can tell your mood / Yeah? / Right. / OK. / I ... I ... let me read you this / Right. / Horses can tell if a human is happy or angry. / just ... what / Uh, go on. / OK. / __ __ stay there / smiling and cross photos of two men __ __ __ shown __ __ __ horses / didn't know / shown two different pictures / one / somebody who was cross. / Yeah, / Uh, "angry", / more up-to-date word__ / shown to 28 horses in a survey / classroom / possibly ... uh ... yeah ... private school ... uh ... / The horses' hearts beat faster and they __ __ more with their left eye / how would you prove / which / horse is looking out of? / Do you think / just / raise an eyebrow / what do they do? / they ... they turn __ head__ slightly / cock / angry / radio / 今すごく面白い顔をしたけど、残念、これはラジオだ / I could try and describe it / try it at home / try / at home / hearts beat / faster / left / angry face / proof / University of S__ / proof / they can distinguish between positive and negative expressions / I think the first question I'd ask __ __ University / you know / would you say __ __ __ your mood __ in / give it a carrot / clearly / good mood. Look at / she's got a bag of carrots, you know. / 馬には人の気分がいいかどうかがわかるんだって。/ 人参をあげれば「ああ、この人は今気分がいいんだな」って思うでしょうよ。

Uh, now then, / __ ... / says here / talking / particularly / absolute honker / proper __ __ / really bad / couple of days behind / ahead of her, lie several days of __ / if I'm looking / if / full on / I'm very ... I'm very relaxed / I have got, uh, quite, uh, quite / what is m__ l__? / is that like V__ or something / from M__. Sorry, M__ / put m__ / sole / feet / sniff your feet / ... Presumably, yeah, and ... uh ... I / not any more / not these days / Rhod, I'm __ doctor / water. It's not good / it's__ already conflicting advice / somebody wrote in earlier / said ... uh ... / sit / drink 7 __ 8 pints of water in an hour and then try__ / f__ it out / already ... already we did doubt / advisable / don't do that / don't do that / whatever you do / 何をしてもいいが、それだけはするな / let's have a look / Cardiff. You're wrong / says ... uh ... / who is this from? / especially / you see? Thank you. Honestly, it's pretty bad / maybe / I'm brilliantly good / avoid that / smash__ / straight into it / subconsciously / I don't know / drawn towards / like / Good morning, Rhod / Uh ... / last week / "What would you bring back?" / oh yeah / last week / we were talking about / there's a bar / back / Trio, apparently. / I don't know what that is. / Oh, come on. / No. Trio? / oh, don't play the innocent / don't toy with us / chocolate bar / actually / good point / good point / now you've raised it / quite / cheated / retrospectively cheated / just three same bits / or just ... / ... No. / No? / Oh. ... So, what was it? / Trio / interrogate about this / why __ __ bring it back? / I don't know. / __ stupid / It's not that. Look, they used to be a bar called Trios / was / was / one bar / one bar / I think / but / three sorts of blocks / right / right / chocolate / caramel / biscuit / this pitch is rubbish / it was very popular / and / by popular demand / People / "Bring it back. I liked it." / that / to / OK. Well, ... yeah. ... Well, anyway, on the subject of that, / Huh huh, / somebody / every now and again / what are you talking about? / what are you talking about? / what you would bring / something to bring back / this is from D__ M__ / I don't know ... uh ... I don't know. / That sounds / get rid of / I don't know / cheers / look / D__ M__ in Cardiff / Um ... / last week ... "What would you bring back?" / This isn't something to bring back / been / been sw__ping up sawdust / Let's ... / let's go for the obvious / Yeah. / Let's assume that / what happened / something / come out / right. ... Uh, so, __ __ been sw__ping it up / Huh huh. / So far so good / school year ... years, / piles of sawdust / some young / left his mark. / I mean ... / What? / ... that is ... / read that, and I / is / read / and then I went, "What? / school / either / did __ number two / or / sawdust over it / like that / I mean / that's like / floor, isn't it? / possibly, a zoo. / Yes, yes. / ... possibly a zoo / you might / haven't got time / put a bit of sawdust on it / nobody / ever / notice__ / nobody / come on, I / no teacher ... Let me know / text / if you are a teacher / child / school / a bucket of sawdust over that." What / tip over vomit and stuff / exactly / right. / Yeah / maybe __ ha__ to saw something first / まずノコギリで何かを切って / stay back, kids / tree / I've got one __ __ / do schools still do this? / I can't go / do schools still do this? / maybe not __ __ health and safety. / he says / maybe not because they never did, D__ / they never did __ __ __ / exactly / whatever your name is. / go on / last week / can I make a request __ __ bring back the show Ask Rhod Gilbert / "ロッドに訊け！" を復活させてほしい / in __ audience / G__ twice, and my question still hasn't been answered / answering now / what was it? / OK / I wanted to know / cold / huh / do polar bears __ cold? / that's a good question / imagine __ __ __ d__

nearly / done by robots / that / and do you know ... well, do you know / why / in P__ / hardest-hit. ... Why is that? / why / why / of all __ places / why / hardest-hit by / take over / threatened by robots there / I don't know / story for you / somebody__ sent me this / anyway, somebody __ sent me a little story, right? ... from ... uh ... looks like / local newspaper / and you're gonna have to hang in there / a bit, right / quite / says here / __ B__ couple / right? / Huh huh, / , ... who go to __ shopping centre / I'm para-phrasing / Yeah. / Right? / couple / blah blah blah / uh / shopping centre in their car / Right? / car breaks down / shopping centre / man says to his wife / sexist, depending on how you look at it. ... Uh ... / __ man told his wife to carry on / shopping / you / shopping / dear / stay __ fix the car / right / right / wife comes out later / around the car. On closer inspection, she sees a pair of hairy legs protruding from under the car / Right? / presumably / assumes it's her husband / fixing the car / uh / unfortunately / in shorts / sticking out / from under the car / maybe / in shorts / __ __ __ / his lack of underpants turned his private part / public / come back / shopping, and / your husband / you think / underneath / car / pants / gone commando, and he ... he doesn't realize / that's why / people / so she ... unable to __ stand / embarrassment / dutifully steps forward / dignity's restored. ... Then she stands up and / around / staring at her / __ __ ... a lot __ __ __ __ Australia / if it was in this country / husband / in the first place?" ... Uh ... / it says here / __ __ __ __ __ / so she stands up, sees her husband watching / the RAC man ... the mechanic / under the car / have three stitches in his forehead, ... which ... which is a lovely sort of ... uh ... that's almost / __esque / way / so much to imagine / three stitches in his forehead / lovely understatement of what actually ... / apparently __ car broke down / a couple of loose nuts / そもそも車が故障したのは、ゆるんだ二個のナットが原因なんでしょ / Oh, oh. / Here you go.

Polar bears, Zoe, / Yes, / bring / question / answered that / polar bears / cold / I knew it. I was right. / Huh huh / wasn't just a coincidence / winter temperature / minus / polar bears are insulated by two layers of fur / two layers / layering up / classic / isn't / __ __ cake __ tucked in / layer / isn't that funny? / wild / evolved to layer up / when / good body condition / they also have a thick fat layer / Huh. / in addition, their compact ears / have got compact ears / compact ears / aren't they / quite like __ __ big floppy ears / actually / quite / a lot less threatening / good point / see? So, that's why / yeah / constantly cool / だからコッカースパニエルは常に涼しいの / Is that true? / in addition, their compact ears and small tail / also prevent heat loss / Yeah, yeah. / that's right / you __ all over __, __n't you? / In fact, / look at this / more problem / overheating than they do from the cold, especially when they run / a little pointless / So, __ __ __ a little bottle of water in their hands / that / every time I see people having / c__ water / Really? / it's absolutely repulsive / total / I mean, I don't / know / total n__ / I've no idea / I mean / what / something / we've done without / haven't we? / 昔はイオンなんていらなかったじゃないか / now then / another thing / hi / half / sounds like / old / take a half spoon of / and a glass of wine / will fight your infection / hot milk / it / no / yes, S__ / expe ... it's an expensive liquid __ concoction / what / bring back / the show you replaced / BBC Radio Wales / この番組の前にやってた番組を復活させろ / ... Look at that / you write in to contribute __ this show / at the last second / sawdust ... on the subject of ... / __ __ __ somebody / whatever your name is ... wrote in earlier / tip / over / kid / accident / thinking / you know / sometimes / that's / crazy / did / maybe we did do it. / it's highly o__t, isn't it? / おがくずは吸水力がすごいから / just / feel ... it / yeah / it's like / human cat litter / cat litter for humans / says / school / 70's / accidents of all sorts / using sawdust. I thought / normal until I listened to you this morning / Well, __ __, I'm sort of starting to think / maybe ... maybe we did, 'cause / start__ / bell / if / anymore / Ireland / just lived with it / あたしゃアイルランドにいたけどね。学校で誰かがゲロを吐いたら、特に片付けもせず、そのままだったよ。 / just wandering around / just wandering around / up to your knees, innit? / horses / まあ、学校で馬を飼っている連中だからな / week / froms to fill in / post / two blank pages / written on / left intentionally blank / 両面が白紙で、両面に「このページは白紙です」と書かれている / replaced by robots / I don't know / do we / production / know / possibly / information / box / any other / no / nothing / does / multiple choice / putting / those boxes

sorry / both / have / um / I had two viruses in succession / chest / same / All right, it's not a competition / just / in the early stages / she says / apparently / all / sounds / talking about / apparently, all you need is the cheapest form / all you need / form / any kind / mouth / moist / hot, tasty drink / and soup are all good / of course / need to see __ doctor / great / I mean / don't / really / get into / with this image / last minute / the show / 番組の終わりがこんな汚い話でいいのかな / irritating / quite / burst your bubble / forward / yeah / I've got a ... I've got a story about / yesterday / myself / very rarely / you hear of / story / revolting / it's a nightmare scenario of __ cold / gone / sneeze / I coughed it, and found it later in the day / that / across / I__ keep it to myself

If / whole show / mornings / BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト